I apologize for the following scatter-brained post! Future ones will hopefully be better, haha!
As many of you know, I am currently going through a divorce. I am not going to get into the details of that at this time, however, I will let everyone know that I made the decision. Now that the elephant in the room has been addressed, I want to talk about fresh starts and the power of words.
As many of you know, and I am a devout Christian. I do not consider myself religious, but instead I consider myself to be spiritual. Since I got pregnant, up until just six or seven months ago, I felt uncomfortable in church. It was nothing anyone did or said, but my sin was extremely obvious, as I had my son at 17, and got pregnant outside of marraige. I also felt like I was not allowed to be involved in church anymore. I used to lead a smallgroup of middle school aged girls which I loved, but I knew that I could not continue leading them to the women God meant for them to be when I was so obviously not setting an example as a Godly woman, myself. My freshman year of high school, I felt as though I was in an amazing relationship with God. While I could read scripture, interpret, and write about His messages very well, I had a real problem. I was extremely judgemental of others’ sin. I am sure I got on a lot of people’s nerves with my words, actions, and judgy looks. Hell, it gets on my own nerves now to look back and think about it. All of that leads up to the fact that while I was ashamed of my pregnancy, Brooks has given me the biggest blessing I could ever ask for: a fresh start.
I am only just now allowing myself to get involved in church again, and honestly I am just now opening my heart and my eyes up to all God can show me in this world. But with Brooks, God blessed me with a new set of eyes, and a new heart. These allow me to see past sin, because if we are being honest, we all sin. And guess what? You cannot compare sins. Because in the eyes of God it is all the same. Whether you tell your parents a lie or you have premarital sex or you cuss a little bit. The fact is, God hates all of it, but He loves us regardless. Through this new spirit, God has enlightened me in the sense that we as Christians have a responsibility to show others that it does not matter how badly a person thinks they have messed up, that they still deserve the most divine love that exist, His. Along with this, I had to realize that I too deserved His endless love, no matter my mistakes. Another thing I realized through this is that, you can never depend on another human being to be your happiness. I do not care if it is your mom, your girlfriend/boyfriend, spouse, best friend, or even your child. You will never recieve an eternal happiness through another human because we are all human. We all mess up. We all make mistakes. The only person that will stand by us, continue to work in our favor, and be solid ground in the middle of a devasting earthquake is God.
Another huge lesson I have learned throughout my life, marriage, parenthood, and faith is that words have an extraordinary effect. I feel as though I have almost always been an optimist and tried to be positive. Even when battling through depression, which some days is still a struggle, I have tried to speak life. I am also a person that cannot live/thrive in a negative environment. I cannot continue a friendship in which the constant topic is gossip. I cannot continue a relationship in which negativity is thrown around like confetti. I cannot continue in life with people that are constantly complaining. This is not to say that I do not still love these people, but I cannot handle negativity. I have an easily influenced mood in which my mind soaks up the energy around me like a sponge. If I am in a negative environment, I will catch myself sounding snarky when talking to others. What I have realized though, is that not only is my soul like a sponge to the energy around me, but so are our lives. The power of negative words is absolutely insane, and has actually been proven scientifically. I’ll share the link below in which there was a study where someone had two jars of rice where they only spoke positive words to one jar, and negative to the other. The experiment had undeniable results. Click here. I truly believe that if you are constantly speaking negatively, it will manifest a negative existence in your life. On the other hand, I believe speaking and thinking positively has so many amazing effects on your health, your faith, and your soul. The Bible has a lot to say about it also:
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29
What goes into someone’s mouth does not defile them, but what comes out of their mouth, that is what defiles them.
Music for your morning: